Fragile Hearts
by Nani mo Nai
Summary: a pretty singer who is mocked for his desire and tortured by his past...a blonde who believes he can make it alright if he only tries...a sister who brings them togetherthen tears them apart...loools
1. Chapter 1

okay...so after two long vacation months i finally posted a chapter...and here i was working on it. i hope you like it...how i got the idea? well i was staring out at the sea, listening to sad metal and the idea just popped in my head. weird huh? here goes nothing...

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The crowd fell silent as the curtain opened and the lights on the stage faded to nothingness. It was too dark to see the stage but a voice rang out in the stillness of the place…a soft, almost feminine voice.

'I've waited all my life for something that wouldn't come.'

The lights started to shine on a lean figure standing at the microphone. Music flooded through the audience and the people went wild, clapping and shouting out their approvals.

'I would cry out to something that never heard.'

The piano in the background made the song seem so eerie and sad, but the brunet's voice, the grey eyes that seemed to scan the crowd but never actually saw anything, they truly portrayed the misery the singer felt deep within.

'Stars twinkle on and off and still you are not here…I can't feel you by my side.'

Those grey eyes narrowed into cynical blades and Squall Leonhart clutched the microphone stand with both hands, a challenging aura in the curves of his leather-clad body.

'I am forever alone….eternally lonely…'

Electric guitars sounded from behind him and Squall's soft, chocolate hair danced with his sharp movements as all the lights of the concert hall focused on the lone figure in the center of a stage which seemed to swallow him as he threw an arm away from his side, stretching it out to the audience…or rather the thing only his grey eyes seemed to see…

'I know you are not coming for me

But that is okay now

I'll just sit by that tree

I'll think of all the reasons I'm without help

Lost like a little damned whelp

And when a part of me dies

From my incessant cries

I'll hold on to the image of tomorrow

That without a doubt holds only sorrow'

The burnet's long lashes fluttered like butterfly wings as he closed his eyes and softly sang out his symphony, his ivory chest unhidden by his sleeveless, black, leather jacket.

'Tell me what is wrong with life

We are all just too damn busy with strife

When being lonely hurts like a bloody knife

And I bet that you can tell

To be unable to believe in anyone is hell.'

Squall seemed to smirk, 'If you can hear my dying words'

'Come with me.' Came the shout of the crowd and the background singers...

'If you can hear my longing words'

'follow me..' again they rang out above the brunet's voice, wiping away all sorrow from his expression, replacing it with nothing but emptiness as all music died away to the soft ring of the piano…

'Without you, it used to be true…

That I couldn't see it through…

That I barely made it during the days

And even in the nights, the cold bed

Made my heart as heavy as lead…

An still now it's true

That I want to be with you…

But you are no more and I…'

Squall and the music both went dead… silent for a moment of suspense and the lights dimmed before they exploded again and the brunet took a step foreword, the music and guitars competing with the microphone and his voice to be heard.

'I've waited all my life for something that would never come

Cried out time and time again to something that never heard

Stars twinkle on and off and still you are not here…

I can't feel you by my side

I am…

Forever alone….

Eternally lonely…'

Applause filled the hall as the music came to a finishing stop and the brunet walked off the stage, not even taking a bow or gesturing with his hand for a leaving wave. Everything about him gave rise to suspicions and doubts. Squall Leonhart was a very reserved seventeen year old thrown in the shadows of mystery, but a blonde just knew that he held a chance to unraveling the many intricate rumors and stories connected to the brunet's past and lineage. And the blonde's sharp, deep, jade eyes followed Squall's every movement as he disappeared backstage.

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the lyrics suck...trust me i know...but they prove my point...


	2. Chapter 2

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"You were great out there." Gavin grinned as he patted Squall's shoulder when the young star would off the stage, a small frown adorning his lovely face.

"Yeah, sure..." The brunet shrugged, "I want to get out of here."

Gavin shook his head sternly, a smile on his face, "You promised you will stay for the party. Comon, Squallie, it's yours anyway. Why would you wanna miss your own party?"

"HomoSin! Nice show, darling." One of the staff called somewhere deeper into the staff quarters.

"That's why." Squall snorted and walked into his persona room, followed by his bodyguard, Gavin.

"You promised, Squall."

HomoSin stood for Homosexual Singer…and that was only the first of the many nicknames he had earned the past two years since he had begun his singing career.

"Yeah, whatever."

Gavin sighed; glad Squall was going to keep his word. No one said it was going to be some enjoyable feat but Squall had to do what he had to do.

"Anyway, you don't have to stay for the whole"

"Hi ya SinGay…the party is in ten minutes, hope you have the guts to stay to the last minute. Although a sissy like you"

"Get the fuck out, you worthless swine." Gavin roared as he rushed to defend a seemingly deaf brunet.

The employee snickered before he escaped Gavin's death glare. "You really should defend yourself once in a while, you know."

"Yeah, I guess." Squall sat at the vanity mirror and smoothed back his silky, chocolate strands away from his delicate face. "Did you spot Ellone out there in the crowd?" Squall asked, referring to his sister.

"Yeah, she was with some blonde guy." Gavin said with disgust.

Squall snorted, "This is discrimination, you know."

Gavin grinned and plopped down on a sofa, "I guess it's my turn to say 'Yeah whatever'."

Squall rolled his grey eyes. Gavin hated blondes of all kinds. His black hair fell to his face and he shrugged, blue eyes strikingly sharp, "Blondes think too much of themselves."

"Yeah?" Squall sighed and stood up, the muscles in his abdomen tightening as he prepared to attend his party.

"Relax, Squall…it's not going to be so bad."

"You always say that…and you're always wrong." Squall spat in pathetic annoyance.

Gavin grinned, "Yeah, well…since your sister is with a blonde, I suppose you are right. You know…now that I think about it you really don't have to go through the trouble to attend a boring party after all, eh?"

"Racist." Squall muttered jokingly as he walked by his protector to the party hall, his stomach clenching as he heard music and voices nearing.

"Baby, why don't you do me?"

"Go fuck yourself." Gavin retorted as a "fan" of Squall's purred from behind them.

Squall sighed and downed his third glass of wine in the first hour still.

"Squall!" Ellone threw herself into her brother's 'closed' arms. The older brunette kissed Squall's cheeks and held his hands, "There is someone I want you to meet!"

"Yay." Squall said with anything but enthusiasm outlining his soft voice.

Gavin frowned and Ellone brightened as the blonde stepped foreword, "Hi, I'm Seifer…Seifer Almasy."

"Squall Leonhart…now that the intros have been made, how about you and Miss Ellone here go have a cup of champagne…without Squall?" Gavin snapped as Seifer's emerald eyes studied Squall's face with a tad too much interest.

"Gavin…you really are edgy today. Anyway, he was a classmate of mine three years ago…and we got separated but look, he's back."

"Great." Squall looked over the blonde's shoulder for his manager. He needed to get out of here.

"Squall," Seifer said, ignoring Gavin's intrusion, "Your sister speaks high of you. You did great tonight."

"He knows that, macho." Gavin growled.

Green eyes narrowed as they locked gazes challengingly with blue ones, "Yeah, and from his performance about an hour ago I also concluded he has a tongue of his own, so stop butting in."

Squall sighed and turned to finally give the blonde some attention, frowning in the process, "Please excuse Gavin's annoyance…Blonde's get on his nerves."

Seifer smiled, "Well, isn't it an honor…you actually paid me some attention. I've been watching you the past hour, and I did happen to notice I am the first this evening who was able to get a word out of that hot mouth of yours."

"Get lost bastard!" Gavin stepped forward but Squall stilled him with a hand on the bigger man's shoulder, "Gavin, please…"

The raven-haired man snorted, "Fine. I'll get you a glass of punch."

With a last dirty look at the blonde, Gavin excused himself and walked off. Squall sighed and massaged his forehead.

"Do you have a headache?" Seifer smiled tenderly.

Squall frowned at the look in the older blonde's eyes.

Seifer was a good foot taller than Squall and obviously double his strength. The brunet wasn't exactly weak but the blonde's obvious muscles and tuned body made him seem helpless. Needless to say the blonde was making him nervous without even trying.

"You didn't answer his question, Squall."

Ellone chuckled.

The brunet shook his head, more to clear his thoughts than to answer the question.

Seifer sighed, "You sure look like you're enjoying yourself."

The brunet shrugged.

"You want to dance?" Seifer offered a hopeful look in his expressive jade eyes.

The brunet opened his mouth, mainly o decline, but his overprotective guardian appeared out of nowhere, "No thank you. Why not dance with Ellone or something."

"What the hell…where did you come from? Anyway I wasn't asking you, 'macho'… I was asking Squall."

"That's endearing, but my limited eye-sight tells me Squall is tired and not in the mood."

"Really? Well my unlimited eyesight tells me he is bored and in the mood."

"Oh yeah?" Gavin countered, "I know him better than you and I know you aren't worthy to dance with."

"My…is that jealousy I hear in your voice or do you always act like a mother hen?" Seifer chuckled coldly.

"Who are you calling a chicken, you dumb blonde."

"What the hell do you have against blondes anyway…black-ass hair."

"Heh…now he's cussin…did you get angry baby boy?" Gavin mocked.

Seifer took a step foreword when Ellone finally chirped, "Guys…the object of your fight has disappeared."

Seifer and Gavin both turned to where Squall had stood moments before.

"Stupid blonde didn't even notice that Squall had gone." Forcing the punch glass into the blonde's arms, Gavin turned to the stage, hoping that standing on a higher platform would help him find his charge.

Seifer growled as some droplets of red punch splattered on his neck and hands.

Ellone chuckled and turned to leave, "I'll find myself some dance partner." Seifer shrugged as he headed to the bathroom, praying that on his way he would bump into some punk who would help him vent his anger, and not noticing the tiny, envious glare that was sent in his direction.


	3. Chapter 3

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Seifer growled low in his throat as he barged into the bathroom. From the edge of his eye he saw a figure try to sneak out.

"Hiding behind doors, eh?" Seifer barked as he slammed his fist on the door to prevent the person from leaving.

Green eyes widened in disbelief before they entertained the deepest of smiles, "Squall…who would have guessed you were here?"

The brunet sighed and turned to the blonde, "I can understand now why Gavin has something against blondes."

"Oh? And why is that?"

Squall thought for a moment and then shrugged, "You have a good sense for tracking down prey."

The blonde burst out laughing, "Yeah? And I can understand why Gavin is so protective of a brat like you."

Squall snorted but curiosity got the best of him, "Why?"

"Because you're a brat, that's why."

Not really appreciating the answer, Squall turned to leave but Seifer grabbed his wrist, "Just kidding, Star. It's just the answer is too long to give right here in the bathroom."

Grey eyes held barely any emotion when Seifer surprisingly pressed his mouth to Squall's unyielding lips but the blonde knew better.

The brunet's heartbeat accelerated beneath Seifer's hand, which was feeling Squall's bare torso.

"You really shouldn't take such liberties, Blondie." Gavin said harshly from behind them in the doorway.

Seifer pulled away and grinned, "Well, Squallie boy, looks like Mama Hen is here. Gotta be a good boy in front of Mama Hen now…worry Mama Hen will peck me with"

"Squall, let's go. It's too crowded here and the party is not fun."

Squall walked on shaky legs out the bathroom, throwing a last look at the blonde who smiled goofily, "I'll call you, nightingale."

"I'll shut the phone in your damn face." Gavin spat.

Squall sighed and shook his head before he turned and walked away.

"Who does he think he is? Kissing you like you were Romeo and Juliet! Damn bold, liberated…blonde." Gavin spat, slamming the car door shut.

Squall closed his eyes, "Relax Gavin. It wasn't all that."

"The hell it was! Why didn't you have a heart attack then and there!" Gavin roared.

It was no secret that Squall had a weak heart and if he was ever stressed, the brunet usually had heart attacks or would just drop on the ground, his hand over a paining heart.

Squall rolled his eyes but frowned in thought…why did he let the blonde kiss him anyway?

"He was all over you! What would have happened if I hadn't come in to save you!" Gavin sped own the road, driving to Squall's glamorous apartment a few block away from the concert hall.

"Thanks a lot, knight in shining armor, but nothing would have happened…trust me."

"Nightingale! That man is making fun of you!"

Squall sighed, he was getting tired of Gavin's childish behavior, "Gavin, stop it please…if anyone's gonna give me a heart attack it is so going to be you. And anyway, I've been called worse things."

Gavin opened his mouth to speak but he shut it as he parked the car and got out to open the door for his charge.

Squall yawned and walked into his apartment, "I'm hungry…"

Gavin nodded and sighed in exasperation, "Go freshen up and change brat, I'll prepare something for you." Squall nodded and walked off in the direction of his room.

"He's not here!" Gavin snapped before he shut the phone in the caller's face.

Squall walked out of his room, groggy from sleep, "Who was that?"

Gavin tensed, "Ummm…I donno, some idiot who wants George…whoever that is."

Squall shrugged and sat at the sofa, looking gorgeous in an oversized long-sleeved pajama, cotton shirt but boxer shorts that were hidden under the hem of that shirt.

The phone rang again and Gavin answered, "Yes? I told you to go to hell, you damn bastard!" and with that he slammed the phone down.

Squall was staring at him with a raised brow, "Wants George again?"

Gavin cleared his throat, "I'm making waffles for breakfast."

Just as Gavin walked into the kitchen, the phone rang. The black-haired guardian whirled around and bounded back out but the lean brunet was faster and had already answered, "Hello?"

"Heya kitten." Seifer purred on the other end.

Squall turned to Gavin and frowned.

The bigger man just shrugged and escaped Squall's eyes, walking back into the kitchen.

"Are you there, Squall?" Seifer's voice was very manly but rather gentle over the phone.

"Umm…yeah…uh…hi." The brunet's heart raced like a high school girl's who was talking to some hot jock in some older class.

Seifer chuckled, "Well, I was wondering if breakfast would be okay with you…you know if you are free."

"In your damn dreams, you damn"

"Gavin, please…" Squall whispered, a smile in his voice.

"I'm making waffles, Blondie…maybe next time…"

"Really?" Seifer frowned, "So, tomorrow, Squall?"

"Hell no!" Gavin spat before even giving the brunet a chance to answer, "I'm making pancakes tomorrow, cereal the day after that, sandwiches after that, crepe after that"

"Hey…what the hell…" Seifer sounded incensed, "Are you playing games? Squall," the blonde moaned, "Say something…"

"Gavin…please…" the raven man snorted and shut the kitchen phone.

Seifer snorted too, "Your body-guard is annoying."

"He is just over-protective." Squall said monotonously.

"Anyway, since I can't get you to go out with me because of Mama Hen, I'll be over at your place in ten minutes. Don't start without me."

Before the brunet even had a chance to say anything, Seifer shut the phone. Walking into the kitchen, the brunet pulled out an extra plate to add to their breakfast table.

Gavin growled low in his throat, "You just had to invite him, didn't you?"

Squall pouted, "No way…he invited himself."

"Like hell…give him attitude or something…tell him to buzz off or go to hell…back where he came from."

"Gavin…" Squall sighed, "I still don't know what you got against blondes."

"Your mother was blonde." Gavin stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

Grey eyes turned serious in a scary, haunting way, "Yeah…I guess."

The doorbell rang pulling the young brunet out of his reverie.

"I'll get it." Gavin grinned devilishly.

"I don't think so." Squall snorted and sped out to the door.

"Baby, Star!" Seifer pulled the brunet into his arms, "How are you? I missed you so much!"

"Lair!" Gavin came up behind Squall and pulled them apart, "What do you want?"

"Not you, trust me on this one." The blonde laughed and brushed past Gavin, grabbing Squall's wrist and walking into the kitchen, "Mama Hen made the waffles?"

"You got a problem? If you do you might as well leave."

Squall sat at the table, determined to ignore the childish bickering around him.

"Well, unfortunately for you, I don't have a problem at all as long as I'm around my Nightingale."

"He's not yours…for your information, you cocky, arrogant blonde."

"I'm going to make him mine." Seifer countered daringly as he sat beside Squall, who seemed to be choking, and grinned challengingly at Gavin, who sat on the opposite side.

The raven haired guardian patted the brunet's back, "Are you okay?"

Squall shrugged and took another waffle, giving it his utmost attention.

Seifer sighed as he took a bite, "This sucks…" turning to Squall, he inquired, "How do you stomach such yucky cooking?"

Squall took a sip from his orange juice as Gavin seemed entitled to answer, "He loves my cooking! I should have poisoned yours and saved the world a lot of trouble and misery."

"Misery! That must be your middle name, Mama Misery Hen…damn…fits you perfectly."

Gavin stood up, "Guests should respect the place they are in…when in Rome do as the Romans do."

Seifer also bolted off his chair, "I happen to be in Squall's home, not in Rome."

"This is not my home." Squall finally spoke.

Standing up he made his way away from the sparks that seemed to make the air tense and warring.

"Where are you going?" Gavin and Seifer asked at the same time.

Squall stopped at the doorway, "To find peace."

Seifer looked contrite, Gavin apologetic, but Squall just walked out, "I'll be in my room for a while…all that noise makes me dizzy. Enjoy your meal."

Gavin sat on the counter and Seifer on the chair.

"Looks like he got mad." Seifer whispered.

"That's why I hate blondes…they are nothing but trouble"

"You were a part of this too, you know."

Gavin opened his mouth to argue but Seifer put his hand up, "I'll talk to him."

"I want to talk to him."

"It's my fault…you even said it…so I will go." Green eyes softened as Seifer walked into Squall's room.

The brunet was lying prone on the bed, his hair cascading over an angelic face, shielding it from view.

"Squall?" Seifer shut the door and locked it to stop the burly protector form coming in and ruining any 'moments'.

The brunet sighed, "Yes?"

"I'm…sorry."

"No…it's nothing…" Squall sat up and smoothed his hair away from his face, "Gavin…he doesn't like blondes."

"Would it help if I dyed my hair?" Seifer joked as he sat beside the brunet.

Squall snorted, "Whatever."

"Anyway, I want to make it up to you…I have a private cruise and the weather is going to be pretty this weekend…we could go, you know."

Squall looked thoughtful for a moment, his eyes hauntingly silver, "Will Gavin be able to come?"

"Yes…if that's what you want."

Gavin tried the knob, "Open the door you damn blonde."

"You're not missing anything, Mama." Seifer chuckled, making Squall shake his head.

"Is that a yes, sweetheart?"

"Open the door, Squall!" Gavin roared.

"Yeah…it sounds fun…I guess."

"Whatever you are saying yes to…Seifer…I'm gonna kill you if you touch him!"

Squall cleared his throat and walked over to unlock the door, "Your thoughts travel real far, Mama."

"What!" Gavin moaned at the nickname.

Seifer laughed, "Nightingale here is a fast learner."

"Go to hell." Gavin snapped, "Anyway, what was he saying?"

"Gavin…" Squall shrugged and turned to stare into the deep, verdant eyes of the blonde's, "Prepare yourself cuz we are going on a cruise."


	4. Chapter 4

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Squall moaned in his sleep…everything was hazy and dark deep within his mind. He was hugging a pillow to his chest, weeping softly into it.

Gavin gently sat beside Squall and shook him awake, "Squall, it's just a nightmare…Squall."

The brunet came awake with a start and sat up, tears streaming down his cheeks,

"Wha…" the brunet got a hold of himself and wiped his tears, "Sorry, Gavin…I"

"Hush now, it's okay…it was a nightmare…you want a drink? Tea?"

"No…I'll just sit out at the balcony for a while…fresh air."

Gavin opened his mouth to argue but the brunet quietly slipped out of bed and walked out to the neighboring balcony.

Gavin frowned, "Why do you insist on being alone all the time?"

Squall closed the balcony door, a hand on his pounding heart.

'And stay away from me

I just want to be alone

There is no glory in a life full of lies

I'm a bird who got lost from its flock

I don't have a place to go back to

I don't have a home…'

Squall stopped singing and stared out the window.

"Squall! What is wrong with you today! You keep stopping at this same part…what is happening!" Caine, Squall's manager cried out in exasperation and frustration.

The brunet looked dazed and traumatized, "I…I don't know"

"How about we call it a day…Squall, let's go." Gavin strode to Squall and pulled him out of the recording room, flashing a cold smile at the manager.

"Squall…you seem troubled." Gavin stopped the car in front of the brunet's apartment.

Squall just shrugged, "I don't know…the song is very…I don't know, but when I sing it…it…hurts…"

Gavin opened the apartment door and let his charge in, "I don't understand."

Squall chuckled dryly, "I don't understand myself."

"Why did you accept Seifer's invitation?" Gavin asked.

Thrown off-guard at the quick change in topics, Squall shrugged, "I miss the sea…it's been a long time since I've heard the waves and seen a clear, pretty sky."

"You could have told me anytime, I would have taken you." Gavin seemed kind of hurt.

The brunet frowned slightly, "You are already in a lot of trouble…I make our life miserable, I know it. You have to keep up with my rough lifestyle and follow me around because of who I am, fending off rapists and obsessed fans. You barely get any time to sleep because of my nightmares and you barely get any time to rest by day because of my career. What do you want me to do, Gavin? Add more pressure to your life? It's bad enough that you have to be right there by my side because of my heart."

Squall sat on the sofa, a sad smile on his face.

Gavin sat beside him, "I never felt troubled or stressed because of you or your lifestyle."

"Yeah? You say that but your eyes and face say something totally different."

Gavin snorted, "What the hell do you mean?"

"You have dark circles under your eyes from lack of sleep, on the days I have a concert, you get all pale and worried, sticking to my side to prevent any accidents, you wake up early to make sure everything is under control and fatigue is evident in the curve of your jaw. I am driving you ragged and you don't seem to mind…but how long can you stand this life? How long can you put up with me? I am always on the run and some day you are going to be too tired to catch up…and I'll be…alone again."

"I'm not going anywhere, Squall, and if it is about running, I've got longer legs and longer strides, so don't worry, I never lag behind, not when I was a kid, and not now when you are my charge…Squall, I'm gonna be by your side wherever you go, no matter how far you run, or how fast…okay?"

Grey eyes seemed to shine with tears that wouldn't anymore show, "Okay."

"Great, now that that has been settled, how about I prepare a cup of coffee for you, then we could start packing our bags, a weekend is a long time when you are spending it with a blonde."

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God this sucks! i know it! anyway there is this point i wanna get to and you have to bear with me till i get there...you know...nah you guys don't! i'm gonna cry!


	5. Chapter 5

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"Do you like it?" Seifer grinned at the brunet, who stood next to him, staring with awe at a large cruise ship which belonged tot the blonde.

"Yes, it's…lovely."

'Yeah? So are you." Seifer ruffled the chocolate strands that fell to the brunet's face.

"Yeah yeah…whatever, he's not melting, you know." Gavin came between them and snorted, "So you can stop sugar-coating your tongue and sputtering crap."

Seifer stuck out his tongue and turned to Squall, "Wait till you see the bedroom."

"What the hell! Hey you, Blondie, don't you dare imply stuff!"

Green eyes sparkled with mischief, "What implications? I was just being a good host."

"Host my ass. He would rather sleep in the engine room than in your damn room." Gavin snapped.

"Oh? And how would you know about Squall's desires and sexual attractions?"

The burnet's face turned a crimson shade and he frowned, "Are we going to board anytime today?"

Seifer chuckled, knowing he won this round of linguistic arguments, "Comon, honey, let me show you around. Gavin?"

"What is it?"

"Do you know how to navigate a ship?"

"Yeah…Oh no! Don't you even think about it… you dumb blonde."

Seifer chuckled and walked onto the ship, followed by his two gests for the weekend. The captain saluted them on deck and Seifer made the introductions, "This is Captain Marcus. Cap. This is Squall, and that is your partner for the trip, Gavin."

"Partner…like hell…no way…I'll crash into an iceberg and we could act out Titanic."

"There are no icebergs around here." Marcus smiled.

"Heh, rocks then."

"There aren't"

"Then into a group of white sharks and Seifer would accidentally fall…man overboard or something. Here we would be acting out Jaws."

Seifer laughed and walked towards the inner rooms and bathrooms, "Comon Squall, you wanna see our room?"

Squall hid his smile as Gavin charged ahead and began his litany of curses about Seifer's none too innocent implications.

Lunch was utterly enchanting.

Gavin was interested in the navigation room and had become fast friends with the captain so had granted Seifer some time alone with the brunet.

Squall wiped his mouth with his handkerchief, "Thanks. The meal was wonderful."

"Only because I ate it with you."

Squall snorted at that.

The noon sun was hot but it was windy because of the cruise's speed. The sound of the waves was enchanting and almost calming…but to Squall…there was no such thing as peace…that word had long ago gotten lost in the depths of his life…it had sunk so deep to a place that even Squall couldn't find…couldn't reach.

"Hey, yo dreamer!" Seifer barked laughingly.

Squall snapped out of his bleak thoughts and turned to look at the blonde.

"Glad you made it back…anyway, how about you tell me about yourself?"

"Wha…why?"

Seifer shrugged, a grin on his face, "Fine, I'll start. My favorite color is blue and I love dogs, in fact I have five but I left them at home cuz they are like Mama Hen…overprotective, that is."

"Damn, you even backbite, eh? My favorite color is red when it is your blood you blonde, and dogs? I hate them."

Squall sighed as Seifer found it hard to ignore Gavin's comments, "I don't think dogs like you either."

"Heh, I never asked for their love in the first place, and I didn't ask for your opinion second."

"I wasn't waiting for you to ask, Mama Hen. I give you my opinion whether you like it or not."

"Really? Aren't you the arrogant piece of shit!"

"Yeah, and I got reason to be proud." Seifer snorted and stood up to face the raven haired man.

Gavin frowned, "We don't get along at all."

"That is because you are obtuse and childish. Not to mention insanely racist…blondes…heh…you wish."

"Blondes…I hate them for a reason."

"Yeah? Why?"

"My lover was blonde…a blonde bitch…she was."

"What happened to her?" Seifer asked.

"I dumped her. Squall's mom was blonde too."

"So?"

"She"

"Gavin." Squall whispered, but the raven-haired man heard and quieted almost immediately.

"She what?" the blonde persisted if only to know a little more about the mysterious brunet's life.

"Nothing." Gavin grumbled before he left the deck, muttering something about assisting the Captain.


	6. Chapter 6

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Squall was staring up at the silver, full moon, a small, sad smile on his face. It was so dark and the sky was so full of stars. There were so many stars to count, and no clouds in sight. The waves were gentle as they hit the sides of the slow gliding ship. Seifer had finally left him alone to go to the bathroom, and Gavin was hanging around with the captain, saying he and the older man got along well. The serenity of Squall's surroundings caught him off-guard and he found himself singing the last line of the song he couldn't seem to finish,

'I don't have a place to go back to

I don't have a home…'

Tears streamed down his face at the thought of the horror behind these words. Looking up at the sky he saw a shooting star but his heart held no emotion for childish dreams. He didn't believe in fairytales, dreams, hopes, and love…all these, to him, were illusions created by people to be able to survive; weak people who needed such fantasies to be able to hold on and go on in life.

Squall wiped his tears; really he didn't know why he continued to cry…it's been so many years…to think time would heal any wounds of his. But the weather was achingly nice, the sky too beautiful, and the sea, though dark, was rather inviting…almost like it offered salvation to those who seemed to need it.

Seifer's heart was in his throat as he saw Squall standing on top of the railing, his arms spread wide.

Really, that boy had great balance, but the blonde knew Squall wasn't intending to test his athletic skills.

Running over, the blonde grabbed Squall's wrist, pulling him back and hastened to lighten the heavy air around them, "Going for a late night swim, are we?"

Squall gasped and fell back into strong, yet gentle arms.

Green eyes probed the quiet depths of the eyes which reflected the silver moon, "The water is kinda cold, you know."

Squall refused to answer and turned his face, which was full of shame, away from Seifer's view.

"What about sharks? That's scary."

"I don't care."

"Next time you want to swim, dress up for the occasion, Star, because swimming in leather pants is quite hard."

Squall turned to glare at the blonde, "I wasn't going to swim…you're so"

"I know, Baby, I might be a blonde but I don't happen to be dumb. Comon, do I look that thick to you?"

"Put me down." Squall said harshly.

"Nah. It's late, isn't it? Come one, I'll show you to your room. It's pretty and dark…I suppose it will fit your tastes perfectly."

Squall closed his eyes. Seifer was too strong and even he knew that struggling to get away from him was rather futile.

Seifer kept up some idle chatter to amuse a fairly deaf brunet as he walked to Squall's room and kicked open the door.

"You're going to break it. Don't you have hands?" Squall growled, trying to vent his anger.

"Sorry, Nightingale. Anyway, do you like it?"

Literally dumping the young star on the bed, Seifer turned and stifled his chuckle.

"Yeah? Why the hell don't you throw me in the trash…damn, inconsiderate…" Squall seemed to be searching for the right insult when Seifer supplied, "Blonde…" and the brunet nodded.

This time Seifer couldn't contain his laughter and he laughed, winking at the pouting brunet.

"What's so funny?" Squall muttered, but deep inside, Seifer's laughter seemed to calm and heal a little of his frayed nerves.

------------------------------------------

Seifer sank back against the closed door to Squall's room. His heart was still pounding and he was glad his knees hadn't betrayed him and collapsed when he had first caught sight of the suicidal brunet.

All the laughter in his face, the smile in his eyes…all disappeared to questioning sadness and anger…

What was Squall's problem anyway? It's not just that he sang sad metal, but he was suicidal…

Gavin walked over to him and grinned, "Please tell me he busted you or kicked you out of his room. You look like a rejected blonde to me."

Seifer's eyes narrowed and they turned to emeralds, "Squall…he was…the sea…"

He couldn't seem to be able to form a single coherent sentence…what was the matter with him?

"What? What about the sea?"

"Nothing. Squall hates his existence, doesn't he?"

Gavin's blue eyes hardened and he wiped the smile off his face, "That is none of your business."

"I'm going to change that." Seifer nodded with determination.

Gavin snorted, "Dozens before you tried but got nowhere. He's too hard and too jaded. Trust me, you don't stand a chance, Blondie."

Seifer shrugged, "It's worth a shot. Maybe I can touch him in places no one had ever dared before."

Gavin chuckled mockingly, "Yeah, maybe the Fairy Godmother will come and grant us all our wishes."

"Mine would be to send you to hell." The blonde countered.

Gavin smirked, "Yeah? Well, I guess mine would be for you to succeed in your mission, after all, I don't think the song he would dedicate to you after you are gone would not be as friendly as the others."

Seifer turned to Gavin with surprise, but the big guy just turned around and waved, "I'll take the night shift, give the captain a few hours to rest."


	7. Chapter 7

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(7)

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'Nameless…'

Silence…no…not silence…rather the soft sound of sobbing…a child was crying…no, not a child…just a soft, feminine voice

'We should have called you Murderer!'

Seifer opened his eyes, someone was crying…this wasn't a dream…his jade eyes searched the dark surroundings of his cabin, but the cries were not coming from there…

'You killed your own mother! You are a cold-blooded monster! We should have gotten rid of you when you were nothing…you are still a nothing anyway!'

Seifer bolted into Squall's bedroom, his heart sinking to his stomach as he jumped into the brunet's bed and pulled him into his strong arms.

'You will pay for this! You deserve all the misery in this world! The Devils will never leave you alone! You will never be happy! You are a beast…a monster…a brute…a fiend!'

"Squall…Darling, wake up. Nightingale!" Green eyes narrowed with worry and confusion as the brunet made a litany out of the word 'no'.

Grey eyes were teary as they snapped open, "I'm not a monster." Squall whispered hoarsely.

Seifer sighed with relief, "No, you aren't, baby."

Squall snorted as he came fully conscious, "How would you know?"

Seifer frowned sadly as Squall pulled away and sat by the small round window that offered a view of the sea.

"My life…it's a tragedy...yeah…" Squall shrugged, "I'll live through this alone…I'll be the actor…pretend and go through my charade…its okay…I'm getting used to this anyway…how long has it been…five years? Ten?"

"How long has it been from what?" Seifer implored, hoping, in vain, to get a glimpse at the life which caused such emptiness in the eyes of a youngster.

Squall shrugged again, "What time is it?"

Seifer frowned, "I…don't know…but I know that you aren't alone. It's really not like that, nightingale."

Squall fell back on his pillows, "How would you know?"

Seifer lay down beside him, "I…just do."

Squall turned and gave the blonde his back, "Not convincing enough, blonde…you need to work on your powers of persuasion."

"Are you offering to help?"

"No, I was offering an advice. Sheesh…when are you going to leave? I'm awake already."

Seifer snorted and made himself comfortable, pressing his body against the curves of a leaner figure, "Actually, I'm planning on spending the night, brat. It's the least you could do as repayment."

Squall squirmed till he was facing the blonde intruder, "Really? I don't remember asking you to save me, oh Knight in Shining Armor, so I don't owe you anything."

Green eyes seemed swarmed with passion, "Yeah? Aren't you the ungrateful citizen."

Squall pouted and Seifer couldn't resist any further. Pressing his lips to the brunet' soft mouth, Seifer moaned.

Passion erupted deep within him like a raging conflagration. Moaning deep in his throat, the blonde positioned himself atop the submissive brunet and kissed him deeper, urging the brunet's mouth open to welcome his curious tongue.

Squall's eyes were closed, too scared to see first-hand the passion of a lion. And damn Seifer was passionate. His hands were already caressing his torso beneath his nightshirt and one of the blonde's knees was wedged between Squalls' thighs.

Pulling away, the blonde grinned, "Well, I guess this is thanks enough."

Seifer settled beside the burnet and cuddled closer, his arm draped over Squall's waist.

"Now that you collected your reward, do you mind leaving?"

"Unfortunately for you, darling, I do mind. Comon, man, I want to sleep. Hush nightingale."

Squall snorted and grumbled, but minutes later he gave up and closed his eyes, lyrics coming to his mind.

'Can't run away from love.

But then you find yourself outrun

Standing alone in the dark

I am so far away from gone

I just wanna be here

Everyone falls apart and withers

In this calamity called love.'

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longer chapters...i know...sigh, sigh


	8. Chapter 8

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(8)

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Emerald eyes snapped open, wary and alert.

Squall was sleeping peacefully in his warm embrace.

The ship was rocking heavily because of the strong wind and high waves. But that wasn't what had woke him up, but rather the shuffling sound of boots, not Gavin's natural stride…not even one pair of feet, but a whole lot of them. They were coming from right outside the door.

Slowly pulling away form Squall, Seifer turned to face the door, pulling the blankets to cover the brunet's lean figure just as the door slammed open and four men walked in, staying by the door to let another in.

"Squall Leonhart, alas, I have you where I have always dreamt you would be."

Not noticing Seifer, the man stepped by the bed to pull the blankets away. Green eyes instantly opened and locked on the enemy as Seifer jumped up like a mother Lynx, "Sorry, Mister, but he's already occupied at the moment."

The man's black eyes narrowed, "Get away from him. He's mine!"

Squall bolted up into a sitting position and pressed himself against the wall, "What the hell is going on?"

Seifer grinned, "Hello, sunshine. Nothing is the matter. Just go back to sleep. It's perfectly okay…I got EVERYTHING under control."

Grey eyes scanned the surrounding, a man stood between four others, and the man was staring at him, nah, staring was good, this guy was drooling.

"Where is Gavin?" Squall whispered.

"Oh? Do you mean the big guy who was with the captain? Yeah well, he didn't go down easy; took four of my men with him. The captain? Well that guy is no threat."

"Down?" Squall glared at the man, "He's not dead, you bastard liar."

"Yeah yeah. That's not important. What is is your pretty face. I've waited so long for this night."

"Yeah? And what night might that be?" Seifer asked, a deadly gleam to his verdant eyes.

"The night Squall will spread his legs for me."

The brunet cried out in surprise as Seifer lunged at the man, who started laughing like an idiot. The four others rushed to protect their leader, but Seifer's body was out of control.

All Squall could figure out in the dark was arms, legs, fists, kicks…people grunting in pain and snarling in attack.

The blonde's fists were bloody and there was also blood seeping from the side of his mouth, all trying to protect what he deemed lovable.

The brunet's face was pale and he looked ready to faint.

Two men were already out, and the third was following suit, but it was a challenge. Those men were trained. And so was their leader, who jumped in every once in a while to land a solid punch or kick then backed out to let his men finish Seifer off.

Squall gasped when the two remaining men, battered and bloody found the strength to push the blonde to the ground and restrain him.

"Well, well…I see you really aren't that strong…or maybe it was that I saved my strongest men for you. Anyway, Squall…I will give you a choice with this one…you come with me and I'll let him live, try fighting and Blondie here will join that other man you talked about."

Grey eyes seemed distant and Squall put a hand on his chest. His heart was hurting him, and Seifer knew something was wrong when the brunet sat back.

"Do you listen to my songs?" he asked the man.

"Oh yeah…and man oh man they turn me on."

Squall smirked but moments later even Seifer's eyes were closed and he was wincing from how loud and high pitched Squall's scream rang out.

Making use of the golden opportunity the brunet had offered, Seifer pulled away from his attackers and in one swift motion, made them two heaps of unconscious trash.

Grinning devilishly, Seifer turned to the leader, who nodded in Squall's direction, "Did you know Squall had a weak heart?"

Whirling around, the blonde gasped.

Squall was bent over the side of the bed, a hand clutching the front of his nightshirt. His eyes were closed and there was a grimace on his usually stoic face.

"Squall?" Seifer bent beside the brunet, forgetting the presence of the enemy, but the man's smirk was broader than daylight, "Who has the upper hand now? Step aside from the singer."

The blonde looked over his shoulder at the gun pointed at him, "You are a bastard."

"With Squall by my side I couldn't care less."

The blonde gritted his teeth as Squall coughed and gasped, reaching out to him.

"Tonight is the night"

"That you will meet Mr. Demise." Gavin snapped from behind them in the doorway.

Seifer grinned and turned to Squall, "Everything will be okay."

And everything was.

Gavin's large rifle made sure of that, along with Seifer's cold heart, and the captain's ropes.

Squall was resting back against the pillows, his eyes closed, breathing softly through parted lips.

Walking in, Seifer's own heart skipped a beat, his breathing doubled. How could anybody be so desirable and at the same time so cold to touch? The closer Seifer got, the more his heart sank. He wanted to touch Squall, to kiss him and make love to him, wanted to be inside him, to be able to make the star cry out in pleasure…but how could he do that when Squall's passion measured zero? It was true he had kissed the brunet and took some liberties, but how much ardor could the brunet take? How much will Squall take before he kicks him out of his lonesome life?

Seifer bent, his mouth just an inch away from the alluring lips of the brunet.

"Hey, what the hell is this? A soap opera? Seifer get away from him, he doesn't need cardiopulmonary recucitation."

Squall's eyes snapped open and a small sigh escaped his lips as Seifer's lips, just inches away came to view.

Blushing, the brunet frowned, "Gavin, you look like hell, why don't you rest or something?"

"What was that?" Seifer frowned, "Car….what?"

"Cardiopulmonary recucitation…that's what CPR stands for." Gavin looked superior.

"I knew that." Seifer muttered, "But what I don't know is how the men got on my ship."

"They knew Squall was on it and followed us full speed. We didn't think they were dangerous or anything. They came on a damn boat. Anyway they said they needed help and that they were lost and the next thing we knew was that we were being attacked." Gavin's arm was broken and two of his ribs were cracked.

How he could walk looking like that was beyond the blonde, but Gavin said Squall's scream had given him strength, whatever… And just then an idea popped into Seifer's head, and a smile lightened his face.


	9. Chapter 9

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(9)

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"Like hell I'll stay in a hospital!" Gavin winced after he had roared his opinion.

Squall had long ago turned his back for Tom and Jerry to discuss 'the great idea'.

Seifer, who Squall deemed to be Tom, grinned, "Look at you…you're a piece of crumpled paper, a table without a top, a chair with cracked legs…you need a doctor, and Squall needs a protector…so, because I'm a considerate, kind-hearted, caring friend…I decided I fit the job perfectly."

"You…don't you dare do poetry with me! What chair and table…who needs them anyway! Like hell I'm leaving Squall under your wing! I'd rather die!"

Seifer sighed harshly, "Gavin, you can barely kill a fly in your condition, that's why our weekend was cut real short…you need a doctor."

"What I need is for you to go to hell and leave Squall the hell alone. I see the way you look at him."

Squall groaned in dismay, knowing where this talk was leading.

"Look at him? Baby if you know what I feel for him." Seifer crooned.

Gavin stepped foreword but groaned in pain, "You lustful bastard, I'll cut your damn fingers if you even touch Squall."

"Touch? You're either underestimating my passion or you know nothing about l'amour. I'm going to do more than just touch your precious star…I'm going to make him forget your name." The blonde winked at Gavin's stormy face.

Squall closed his eyes tightly, his stomach filled with butterflies. What was wrong with him, Seifer was just talking and he was already melting. Gritting his teeth, the brunet renewed his determination to shut out all the sounds around him.

"Go to hell and fuck the devil, you Blonde!"

"I'd rather fuck Squall, God I can just imagine how it would feel to be inside him. The heat of the moment…makes me weak in the knees."

Gavin's good fist came at Seifer, but the blonde easily dodged Gavin's movements, which were slowed down by pain and exhaustion.

Squall stood to leave the room, his knees shaky. He was able to contain his moan, but Seifer was unpredictable and he didn't want to let the blonde know the wanting he had deep inside for him…no, the brunet didn't want to even acknowledge it himself.

Walking out of the room, a hand grasped his arm, "I'm sorry, Squall. Gavin started it, really." Seifer laughed.

Squall's 'former' body-guard was wheezing and in pain.

"Stop picking on him. You should feel bad for the condition he is in, you know." Squall berated Seifer.

The blonde grinned, "Anyway, it's settled. I'll take good care of you darling, you can count on me."

"Like hell! Nothing has been settled! Settled my ass!" Gavin seemed spent, and why he kept on arguing was beyond both the blonde and brunet.

Seifer shrugged and with an arm around Gavin's shoulders, led him to the door, "We'll be at the shore in a few hours, I called an ambulance and they will take care of you. As for Squall, leave him to me. Trust me, I'm poisonous if you get on my nerves."

Gavin's face was pale and he was too tired to fight, "Why don't you just poison yourself and do us all a favor?"

The blonde grinned and shut the door, turning to Squall, who was looking out the window of the cabin. "You should have told me you were not well."

"Ah…" the brunet sighed in consent.

"So, you get a heart attack or something when you're under stress?"

"Ah…"

"Could you ever…die?"

Squall turned around, frowning at the poignant tone of the blonde's voice. "Who cares?"

Seifer approached him, "What if I tell you I do?"

"I am forced to tell you then to go to hell." Grey eyes flared with anger and fear.

"Alas, then... I guess hell would be the place for me." Seifer cornered Squall against the wall, "God, without you maybe Hell is just where I am."

Squall whimpered inwardly as Seifer bent and pressed his lips to the brunet's jugular, his hands moving under Squall's nightshirt to caress the taut muscles of his clenching stomach.

"You're so stiff. It's like I'm kissing the wall itself." Seifer chuckled dryly, trying to keep his frustration out of his voice.

Squall shrugged and quickly pulled away, "It's so stuffy in here. I'll go out for some fresh air."

Seifer opened his mouth to stop the brunet, but Squall was already out the door, away from his reach, both physically, linguistically, and emotionally.


	10. Chapter 10

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(10)

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Seifer helped Gavin off the ship and into the ambulance, which after Squall's incessant begging of the raven-haired man to get treated, he finally, and grudgingly, accepted to climb into.

Squall was on edge, even the blonde could tell.

Seifer hadn't talked to him much after he had left the room a few hours before.

Grey eyes shifted to emerald ones, "So? Shall we get going?"

Seifer nodded agreement, fairly annoyed that the brunet refused to acknowledge him as his substitute bodyguard.

"My house is this way."

"I know. I came to eat breakfast remember." Seifer muttered.

"Yeah I know…" Squall shrugged. What had he been trying to do? Make conversation?

They spent the rest of the ride in uncomfortable silence, Seifer wondering about what Squall was thinking and the brunet about what he was going to do with the uninhibited blonde he was seated with.

"Here we go." Seifer parked his car behind Squall's black SUV.

The brunet pulled the keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door, walking in and turning on a couple of lights.

"You sure like to keep things neat." Seifer grinned at the decent place that seemed to have been swiped clean of everything and anything.

"Yeah. Gavin is a tidy person."

"I'm not." Seifer provided.

"Yeah. I had a feeling." Squall sighed, "There are a couple of rooms in the right wing that are for guests, you can choose whichever you like. My room is right there and the kitchen, you know. Bathroom"

"Whoa! Hold your horses cowboy! Wait a second here…are you telling me that I can stay?"

Squall shrugged, "I thought that's what you wanted."

Seifer grinned, "Great…so now that you mention it…there's more I _want._"

Snorting, Squall waved him off, "Try again later, blonde. I'm going to bed. It's been a very long night."

"Yeah." Seifer sighed and walked to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water. It was already 5 in the morning, an hour to sunrise. Sitting on the high marble platform that served as a table stuck to the wall, he rested back and closed his eyes, and before he knew it, Sleep took him into her eager arms.

Squall didn't sleep at all that night. Sitting by the stereo, he was listening to his voice through headphones. Grey eyes had a faraway look in them, but they betrayed nothing of what was going on in the brunet's mind.

'Won't you die and leave me alone

Just disappear and keep me here

I'm fine on my own

I don't need a friend

I don't need a life

It's loneliness I seek

And for death I wait

I just want to be solitary

When you are not beside me

I am not weak, not vulnerable

So die and leave me here

Because of surviving alone

I am capable.'

The sun finally ascended in the horizon, driving away the darkness. The stars flickered off and the birds woke up to start their busy search for food. Turning off the hi-fi, Squall pulled out a towel and walked over to his personal bathroom to freshen up, after all the night was over and he didn't want to sleep. Deep down he feared the nightmare would haunt him again, and he didn't think he could take it more than once a night…

With a towel clasped around his hips, and water dripping from his hair, the brunet walked into the kitchen. He didn't notice the blonde's form snoozing on the marble.

Humming softly, Squall opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of milk, drinking from it and placing it back.

Turning to leave, the brunet gasped softly, surprised that Seifer was sleeping right there in the kitchen.

Rolling his eyes, Squall walked closer, "Hey? Are you really asleep?"

The blonde didn't even stir.

The silver orbs softened slightly as a feeling of warmth filled his heart. What was wrong with him? He was actually relieved the blonde was around him. Reaching out, Squall gently traced his fingers along Seifer's lips.

The brunet was closing his eyes and losing himself when the blonde bit his fingers.

Yelping, Squall pulled them back.

"Morning, Nightingale." Seifer stretched his stiff muscles and groaned, then eyed Squall from head to toe, "Looking hot so early in the morning. What time is it anyway?"

"It's ten. Damn, you sure are a sleepyhead. Gavin used to be up by six."

Seifer slipped off the marble and stretched some more before flashing another of his white grins, "Speaking of the Devil, let's visit his burning chamber in the hospital sometime after lunch."

Squall nodded, "Yeah. I was planning on doing that. Anyway, since you look so inept, why don't you go somewhere and freshen up while I prepare some breakfast for us?"

"Great. I can't cook, you know." The blonde gave another clumsy grin before walking out of the kitchen to do as he was told.

The brunet went about making eggs and boiling water for tea.

"Do you usually walk about in a towel?" Seifer asked from behind.

He had changed into a pair of jeans and sleeveless shirt that revealed tanned skin that coated strong muscles. His hair was still askew and he looked sleepy, but the smile was there in the green orbs, "Squall?"

The brunet shook his head and turned to pay attention to the tea pot, his face heating. He was just checking out the blonde, and being obvious about it. Since when had he become such a fool?

"Squall…damn, you just faze out in the middle of nowhere." Seifer walked over and pressed a kiss to the curve of Squall's ivory shoulder.

The brunet tensed, standing straight as a lance, his heart skipping a beat then racing like he was running a marathon. The effect of his gentle, undemanding kiss was not lost on the observant blonde.

Frowning slightly, Seifer sat at the kitchen table.

Squall tried to keep his hands from shaking when he poured the tea and set it in front of the blonde, all the while avoiding the striking emerald eyes, worried that they could see beneath the stoic façade or spot the pain he had worked so hard to overcome and hide.

Seifer sat back and looked at the eggs, not actually seeing them, "Squall…Are you ever going to tell me about yourself?"

Squall shrugged and turned to leave, "I'll put something on and when you're done eating, we could visit Gavin."

"Aren't you going to eat?" Seifer asked, annoyed and frustrated.

"I'm…not hungry."

"I didn't mean to overwhelm you, you know." Seifer stood up, hoping he could convince the brunet to stop running away, but the brunet just shrugged and walked out. After all, he was the best at running away from what he couldn't face.


	11. Chapter 11

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(11)

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"Morning Mama Hen, how are you?" Seifer put on a bright smile as he sat on a chair by Gavin's bed.

The raven-haired man just frowned and turned to Squall, "How are you? Is Seifer bothering you? I'm sure he is…I shouldn't have agreed to this!" Gavin's hand was in a cast and there were bandages on his chest and head.

"I'm sorry Gavin, because of me…you can't leave the hospital for a week." Squall sat on the bed by Gavin's hip.

Although the blonde was smiling and Squall carried his usual neutral expression, Gavin could tell something had happened…the air surrounding the two was heavy and the emerald orbs had a disturbed gleam to them.

"Who cares about that, Squall? Anyway, you guys look grim, is there any bad news?"

"No." Squall shrugged.

"Yes." Seifer snapped.

Squall and Gavin both turned to the blonde but just as Seifer was about to rant and rave, Ellone walked in, "Good morning boys."

"Who told you I was here?" Gavin sighed and turned to Seifer, who shrugged suspiciously, "She called when we were on our way here, so I told her."

Squall smiled at his sister, which made the blonde grit his teeth, "Since when do you smile!"

"Hey! What do you have against Squall smiling?" Gavin muttered.

"He never smiled to me although God knows I try my best!"

Squall sighed and looked out the window, missing the angry and jealous glare he received from his sibling. But Gavin saw it and turned to Seifer, "I told you to go to hell."

"I am in hell at the moment! Dammit, Squall!"

Ellone stood between the two, "Seifer, did you have your morning cup of coffee?"

"No, Squall made tea."

"My, that boy sure knows nothing." Ellone complained.

"I don't care. Tea is good." Seifer stood up, "I'll get some coffee though. You guys want anything?"

"No." Gavin shrugged.

Squall didn't answer and Ellone nodded, "Mango Juice, please."

The blonde nodded and with one longing look in Squall's direction he turned to leave.

"What was that all about?" Ellone frowned at her younger brother.

Squall shrugged, "It's nothing. He's just in a bad mood because of what happened. That's all."

Gavin frowned as he studied Ellone, "You didn't get me roses or flowers, Ell."

The pretty brunette turned to him and shrugged, "Perhaps next time. I'll be on my way."

"What about your juice?" Gavin countered, his blue eyes glinting.

Ellone shrugged, "He can drink it, or give it to Squall."

The tone of her voice was lost on the brunet, who had turned to study the stormy sky outside his window.

Gavin snorted, "Squall doesn't like mango, he gets allergy."

"Yeah, betcha he would love that if only to be nursed back to health by Seifer."

The brunet closed his eyes, oblivious to his surrounding. The way he could shut off the sounds around him was remarkable.

'If you look at the stars

You will find

That some are dark

And some are light

But the love that we have

And the hope that we hold

Is the silver moon

That shines so bright

So hold my hand

Take me under your wing

If it's you then I will give in

I will stop running.'

"Squall!" Gavin poked him in the shoulder.

Ellone had already left after saying some cold things he knew the brunet didn't hear, and Seifer had just walked in, the coffee and juice in his hands, "Where's Ellone?"

"She left."

"What am I to do with this?" The blonde muttered.

Gavin grinned, "Give it to Squall."

Seifer snorted, "He's allergic to Mango. Idiot body-guard couldn't even remember that."

Squall cleared his throat, surprised that the blonde knew. Seifer sat on his chair again, staring at Squall from over the rim of the cup.

"My, you guys sure are quiet." Gavin laid back against the pillows, closing his eyes as Seifer sipped his coffee and Squall stared out the window again, words from his memories haunting him again.

"_You are the saddest thing that God ever created. You will live miserable and die miserable. You are a rat, cast out of the heavens. Your only place is hell, where the flames will be your salvation. Don't ever think you can be worth anything. You will never be loved. You will never be held. They will do it for your money and for fame, not for you. You are nothing…and how can a nothing like you be loved?"_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_climax...yeah i know...trust me i'm workin on it...gimme time, and a break... my head hurts... _


	12. Chapter 12

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(12)

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"Squall?" Seifer turned to the brunet in the car.

"What is it?" Squall looked out the window, his heart heavy.

"Gavin said that you would want to go to your studio, shall I?"

"Yeah, whatever."

The blonde sighed and started the car, pulling out of the hospital parking lot.

The sky was pretty stormy, and the clouds looked so full of tears.

"The weather is sad." Squall murmured.

Seifer turned to him, "It's going to rain."

"Yeah." Squall closed his eyes, taking deep breaths.

What was wrong with him…it's only been four days since he met the blonde?

"Here we go."

"Maybe you would want to go back home or something." Squall muttered. "

Why would I want to do that?" Seifer smiled.

"Because it's not really pleasant or interesting in there. You can take my word for it."

Seifer snorted, "I don't care. I'll be with you."

Squall ignored the comment and stepped out of the car, greeted with smirks and sneers from most of the employees and comrades.

Seifer noticed those looks, but he didn't understand why they were aimed at the pretty brunet…he didn't till one dared to speak, that is.

"Heya, SinGay. Heard you sucked two days ago in recording. Just as expected from a failure like you."

Squall brushed past the speaker, ignoring him completely, but Seifer wasn't as merciful. Walking behind Squall, the blonde rammed his fist in the man's face and walked off, leaving the man to howl in pain, worried he just got a broken nose.

"You shouldn't have done that." Squall whispered.

"Why?" Seifer grinned.

_Because I just melted inside…_

_Because when you do things like that I can't help but feel for you…_

_Because no one before you defended me this way…_

"It'll make a scene, and the last thing I need now is attention."

Seifer frowned.

He defended the brunet and this is how he is repaid. How can anyone be so cold?

"I did it for you."

"I didn't ask you. You should get used to it anyway." Squall growled.

"HomoSin! Baby, where were you last night. I dreamt hot dreams about you. Were you dreamin of me too?"

Seifer gritted his teeth as again the brunet ignored the snide remark. "Actually, he had a nightmare yesterday. It makes sense if he was dreamin of you."

Smirking, then blonde shrugged, knowing he had just busted another soul.

"What do HomoSin and that other thing mean anyway?"

Squall shrugged, "Who cares?"

the blonde sighed, "I do, man."

"They are descriptive nicknames…I happen to be gay, I'm sure you know that."

"Yeah, I know that."

"I bet you do." Squall muttered.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Seifer frowned, but the brunet was saved from answering when Caine caught up with them, "Squall! Man I'm glad you showed up. The president put a time limit for the release of your new album…and what's worse, you are having another concert in two weeks! Squall!" Caine cried, "Show some emotion at least. I'm breaking down here."

"It'll be okay. I don't see the problem, Caine."

"No problem! You still need to record five songs for the album which will be released the same day of your concert!"

"Then why not get started instead of wasting time complaining." Squall snorted and walked off in the direction of the studio.

"Who are you?" Caine muttered to the blonde.

"I'm Seifer, Squall's boyfriend." Squall whirled around and glared at the blonde.

"Hurry, Squall. Or you will be late." The blonde grinned and walked off ahead of the brunet, in his heart, feeling he was one step closer to becoming one with Squall, and unraveling all the mysteries surrounding him.

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well, climax here i come. it'll be in the next two chapters, but for Squall's history and mystery...gotta wait a bit longer, i'm puzzling it up myself...


	13. Chapter 13

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(13)

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'I can see through you

I know the pain you're going through

The sadness that consumes your soul

And even though you give it your all

You can't get over your helplessness

I can see the tears you try to hide

And because of all that misery

Your arms will never be open wide

They'll never be open wide for me

You reject all familiarity

In search of being solitary

But can you survive on your own?

Can you make it all alone?'

"He's a great singer." Seifer grinned as he watched Squall in the recording chamber, his eyes closed, his body moving to the sad rhythm of the music.

The guitarist was a pretty young girl, who kept glancing at Squall, the pianist and elderly man who seemed too caught up in the music to pay anyone any attention, the drummer was a bald, young fellow who seemed like a happy figure and who nodded his head to the beat.

"Yes, he is." Caine was smiling softly.

"Do you have any idea about Squall's life?" The blonde inquired.

"No. he doesn't talk much, especially about his personal life. No one knows anything other than the fact that he is related to Ellone. But I also know that they have different mothers and that the father died when Squall was a child."

"So they are stepsiblings." Seifer nodded, "But Squall likes Ellone?"

"I am not sure. Ellone doesn't hang around much, but Squall does send her money and he always seems happy to see her, but what do I know. My vocalist sure is an enigma."

The blonde nodded again.

The music stopped as the song ended. Sweat trickled down Squall's forehead and he wiped it away with the sleeve of his oversized, but rather very endearing white shirt, which contrasted sharply with the shiny, black leather of the brunet's pants.

"I'll go freshen up." Squall excused himself from both the blonde and his manager, making his way out.

He knew he had sucked. Just knowing that the blonde was watching had made him nervous to the extent that he almost forgot the lyrics. Shaking his head, the brunet walked into the bathroom.

He was thinking about the blonde when a man came up from behind him and licked his neck, "Squall, did you forget about me?"

The brunet sighed, "Jack, it's been a while."

Squall smirked at the man who was his ex-boyfriend.

"I'm here to apologize. Watching you at the concert made me yearn for what I had lost."

"I'm sorry, Jack. But I am not in the mood for you anymore and I don't miss what we had. Actually if you were listening intently, one of the songs in the concert was dedicated wholly to you."

"Which one?"

"It's called Bitter Life." Squall shrugged and turned back to resume refreshing up, "The one with the bad words in it…I was making fun of you…don't you remember?"

"I'm willing to forgive you, how about tonight?"

"I told you no, anyway, I am planning on seeing another, so you are really an insignificant memory that I took the liberty of forgetting."

"You are harsh." Jack frowned.

"Yeah?" Squall turned and pushed his ex-boyfriend aside, "And you were a fool to even think you had a chance of knowing anything about me."

Jack glared at him, pushing him back against the wall, "Yeah? Are you telling me I never turned you on with my mouth alone?"

Squall snorted, "Let go of me you poor bastard. I don't have time to waste on trash like you."

Jack sneered, "You said you don't care, right. How about I test your flames, I'll give you a kiss, and if you react, tonight, you'll come to my place."

"Like hell."

"What? You know you're going to melt?"

Squall gritted his teeth, "Fine."

Jack chuckled as he lazily brushed his lips against Squall's.

"You call that a kiss." Squall snickered.

Jack didn't answer but pressed his mouth to the parted lips of Squall and let his tongue penetrate to taste the sweet inside of the singer's mouth.

Squall closed his eyes, thinking of Seifer's lips. No, this kiss was nothing like the flirtatious ones of the blonde. All the blonde had to do was sigh in his mouth and the brunet was willing toast.

The door opened and the blonde stood frozen for a minute before he roared.

Jack pulled back, a grim frown on his face, he had lost the bet, and Squall stared wide-eyed at Seifer, who was sending him a death glare that could split a tree in two.


	14. Chapter 14

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(14)

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Seifer didn't talk to him, whirling around, the blonde walked out of the bathroom, leaving both the brunet and Jack staring at his shadow.

"Who the hell was that?" Squall grasped his heart and doubled over, coughing sporadically.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

The brunet threw his head back and took deep breaths.

After a few minutes, he was okay again, "Nothing. Leave me alone."

Brushing past Jack, the brunet walked out to follow the blonde.

"Seifer."

Jade eyes filled with anger at the sight of the slightly bruised lips of the brunet, "I hope you enjoyed that kiss and is ready for your next song."

"He…it's not like that."

"Yeah I'm sure. My eyes are too old…they deceive me from time to time, I'm sure."

"Comon, it's not like that." Squall glared at the blonde.

"Why are you glaring, honey. If I'm assuming correct, I was the one who was betrayed."

"I'm not betraying anyone. It's not like you are my boyfriend."

"I will be... if you would give me a chance."

Squall turned to leave, angry at himself and was faced by Ellone, "Hey, when did you"

"She was there the whole time. She asked me to get you."

Ellone was looking ready to kill, but feigned a smile for the blonde's benefit, "Squall, if you're not sooo busy I would like to talk to you…in private."

"Does it have to be now?"

"Yes, actually the sooner the better."

Seifer huffed and snorted, "I'll go home and fetch some clothes to take to your apartment."

"Seifer" Squall moaned.

"Let him be. I need to talk to you." Ellone snapped after Seifer walked out and shut the door. "I heard he's your substitute body guard."

"Yeah."

"Do you like him?" Ellone crooned, her features curling into a snarl, "You do, don't you! It was just like everyone said! You are a killjoy! If only I knew I never would have introduced you to him!"

"I don't understand, Ell."

"You don't huh? It's so like you to feign ignorance and act all innocent. I introduced him to you because I loved him! I want him! He's mine! You are stealing hi from me!"

Squall felt a hand squeeze his heart and cold sweat broke on his forehead.

Ellone noticed his pale complexion, "Don't play sick with me. You have a stronger heart than mine! You are taking him! Why? What did I ever do to you! I stuck by your side and tried my best to care for you! You had to take the only thing I loved away from me! How could you! Why?"

Squall let out a shaky breath, "I…I didn't know…Ell."

"Well, now you know. You know you broke my heart!"

"I…didn't mean it!" Squall cried.

"Liar!' Ellone roared, "You never stop hurting me! Jack was mine too!"

"I broke up with him."

"Not after you seduced him and tore me apart inside!"

Squall put his hand over his ears, "I didn't mean to! It's not my fault."

Ellone smirked, "Of course not. They force you to love them, huh? You didn't mean to kill your mother, right? You didn't mean to hurt everyone who crossed paths with you? You didn't mean anything. You are the innocent angel who is always wronged."

Squall glared at her, tears in his eyes, "That's not how it goes."

"Of course not. You are the poor little boy"

"How would you know what I have been through?"

"Yeah? You don't know what you are putting me through! You are the Star! You! Because of you the men I love leave me! Because of you my life is MISERABLE! Congratulations, Squall on killing another soul!" Ellone screamed as she ran out of the room, leaving Squall to star at the wall that had been behind her, tears streaming down his own cheeks.

"That's not how it is…I didn't know…" the brunet looked empty, his heart no longer aching…it's over…he didn't care anymore. He had no one. With his own hands he had ruined his life and hurt the ones he claimed to love.

'_You killed her, Nothing. Who would have thought you were that cold?'_

'_No…she asked me! She told me!'_

'_She was out of her mind! You took her word for it! You're a cold-blooded murderer!'_

'_No! I love her!'_

'_Look what your love caused you to do! Your love is twisted just like your existence! Get out of my face! Get the hell out of here!'_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_okay...the last few lines were a flashback...guess the memories are resurfacing. i hope it's not such a bad climax...i'm still thinking of the other one...okay then...i guess that's all for now..._


	15. Chapter 15

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(15)

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Seifer had left the car, most probably taken a cab back to his own place, but Squall didn't want to drive.

Basically, he couldn't see his way. His heart was empty, his mind was blocked, all his eyes would see was pain and tears, blood from a fateful night, and the hatred in the eyes of others.

He had not just hurt his sister, but Seifer too. He was nothing but trouble. All he ever brought to the ones he loved was pain and sorrow. How could he, a person who had the heart to kill his mother, no matter what the reason, be happy.

It started to rain.

Thunder sounded during the downpour, trying to wake Squall up from his reverie, but the brunet walked in a straight line, not caring that he was wet or where he was headed.

The blonde glared at his reflection in the mirror.

His head was hurting tremendously. Squall hadn't come home yet. It had been three hours and the weather had worsened. The blonde had called the studio but they said Squall had left fifteen minutes after him.

"Where are you?" as if on cue, and to answer his question, the door clicked open and the brunet walked in, looking ragged and depressed.

"Where have you been till now? Don't you know I was worried sick about you!" Seifer walked over to Squall, glaring at him.

However all the anger faltered and disappeared when he saw the gleam in the grey eyes,

water dripping from his hair. The brunet was shivering and he looked chilled to the bone.

"You're…wet." Squall shrugged and turned away from Seifer.

But the blonde wouldn't let him go; he wouldn't let him run away this time, "Are you ever going to stop for a minute? You're a great runner but, won't you slow down for me? If only for a few minutes?"

Squall looked at him, "I…didn't want to kiss him…he was acting all macho…I really"

Seifer couldn't handle it anymore.

The love he had for the young singer, the passion and longing…he couldn't keep it in this time…not when the brunet looked like he needed some comforting and warmth.

Squall closed his eyes. What was he doing? Didn't Ellone just say she wanted Seifer? Hadn't he sinned enough?

Whimpering, Squall let Seifer kiss all his pain away and let the passion fog up his mind and drive away all thought.

"God, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you…it's just that when I saw you with another guy." Seifer moaned as he pulled off Squall's wet shirt, his hands feeling the cold, taut muscles of a lean torso, "I couldn't. It killed me to see you in the arms of another man."

Squall opened his eyes partly, passion sparkling in their depths.

Seifer pushed Squall gently against the wall and traced kisses down the soft, ivory neck to the brunet's pink nipples, his tongue soothing Squall's trembling flesh. "God, you taste so good. You feel so good. It feels so right like this."

Seifer pulled off his shirt and pressed his upper body to Squall's, his mouth claiming the brunet's in a searing, and equally demanding kiss.

'_I really don't have a heart. My sister was right. Having sex with the man my sister wanted so soon after she screamed it at my face.'_

Squall rested his head on Seifer's shoulder when the man bent to nibble on his nape then moved up to blow hot air in his ear, making a shiver, unlike the shivers from the rain, run down his spine.

Seifer then sucked on the curve of the brunet's neck, leaving a bright red mark, "You're mine, Squall. I've waited for this day for a while now."

The blonde pulled back, staring deep into the silver jewels in Squall's eyes, "You know, I would stop if that is what you want…but you must know that I would try again and again till you become mine."

Squall thought for a moment before he closed his eyes and puckered his lips, awaiting Seifer's kiss, and Seifer didn't hesitate to oblige.

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okay...hehhhhh...i wanna thank Florinoir for your lovely reviews...you never left a return address so i couldn't send my regards, but anyway thanks...


	16. Chapter 16

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(16)

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_You are taking him! Why? What did I ever do to you! I stuck by your side and tried my best to care for you! You had to take the only thing I loved away from me! How could you! Why?_

_You don't know what you are putting me through! You are the Star! You! Because of you the men I love leave me! Because of you my life is MISERABLE! Congratulations, Squall on killing another soul!_

Seifer's hands were unbuckling the brunet's belt, his mouth not leaving Squall's for a second.

The belt fell to the marble floor and its clank nudged the brunet out of his passionate trance.

Pulling away suddenly, Squall stepped back.

Seifer groaned at the loss before he too gathered his senses, "Squall?" Seifer's voice was hoarse, clogged with lust and wanting.

The brunet took a step back, "I…can't. I'm sorry but I can't."

"Why now?" The blonde's hands were shaking from the need to lose himself in Squall…what was wrong with the singer anyway?

"I…I'm sorry."

"Wait." Seifer moaned as the brunet ran to his room and shut the door, locking it behind him.

Walking over to the door, Seifer put his back against it, sliding down to the floor, his face contorted in helplessness and the fading traces of desire.

It's not like the house was silent, no…the blonde could hear the muffled cries that the brunet tried to conceal in his pillows.

Seifer looked ready to drop when Squall opened the door and he almost fell back.

"My…Seifer?" Squall cleared his throat when the blonde turned his verdant eyes up to him, "Morning, Sunshine."

Seifer grinned sadly and stood up, stretching, "I…want to apologize about last night."

"No, it's not you." Squall walked past him to the kitchen, his heart racing. Images of last night that kept him awake were replaying again in his head.

"No, you were tired and cold and wet…I took advantage of you. I was going to rob you the moment you were vulnerable and down. I'm sorry." Seifer followed Squall into the kitchen, "It's just seeing you like that made me want to comfort you…I wanted you to forget what had happened so I…I just wanted to be with you."

Squall shrugged, "It's nothing."

_He thinks it's his fault…I'm crazy I swear! He's blaming himself…if he would just know that I wanted to be with him just as badly. What is going on in my life?_

"No, really, I was thinking about it last night and I want to make it up to you."

"Another cruise?" Squall smiled slightly, his heart heavy.

"Nope, how about breakfast?" The blonde asked, a small smile in return.

"The most tempting thing I've heard in a long while."


	17. Chapter 17

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(17)

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"Where is Squall?" Gavin frowned.

"I dropped him at the studio. He has a seriously busy schedule and I think I make him nervous, so, here I am."

"Aha, you're such a good citizen that you decided to visit the sick?"

"You are a shrewd piece of junk."

"Yeah, when it comes to blondes, they are pretty predictable."

"I…was going to make love to Squall last night, but he pulled away in the middle of it." Seifer muttered.

"Coming to atone for your sins?" Gavin gritted his teeth.

"No, you inconsiderate bastard. I' here to ask you about what you know about Squall. You talked about his mother but I never got to know anything."

"If Squall wants to tell you, he will alone."

"I need to know! How can I help him if I don't know who he is!"

"He's a singer, a gay one to that!" Gavin countered.

"That's not who he is…" Seifer stood to leave, "I'll be on my way."

"Yeah, you won't get any answers form me so that would make you a wise piece of blonde."

"Screw yourself." Gavin chuckled, "Here all alone, maybe I'll consider that."

Seifer kicked the door open and walked out, barely stopping in time from bumping into Ellone.

Squall yawned after the recording of the second to last song.

"You look tired." Squall's guitarist, Mika, smiled.

"Yeah, I didn't sleep well."

Mika nodded, "You should rest, for your heart you know."

"Yeah." Squall sighed and sat on the couch, closing his eyes.

If only she knew his heart was suffering from more than just lack of sleep.

Mika tried to ignore her own pulsing heart, but the brunet sitting there sprawled on the sofa almost beckoning to her was more that she could bear.

With one long look at the door, which wouldn't seem to be opening any time soon, she made her decision and walked over to the sofa, her brown eyes misting with passion.

"I want to know about Squall." Seifer said as soon as they got seated in a glamorous café.

Ellone gritted her teeth, "Why do you want to know about that boy?"

Seifer shrugged, "He's a mystery and I am curious."

"Do you love him?" Ellone's temper was building up and her face was heating.

"I…think I do." Seifer smiled tenderly when he thought of the troubled brunet, "And I know he is troubled…I know it. He wouldn't tell me about his past…so I figured he thinks he did some big mistake or sin or"

"He did!" Ellone cried, attracting attention from the customers and employees, and she got Seifer's undivided attention too, "What do you mean?"

Ellone sneered, "He didn't tell you? Of course not because if he did, it would end up like all the others. He would be hated and scorned as long as he lived."

Seifer frowned, "Are you jealous of him? You're making this up."

"Oh, how Squall wishes. His whole life is a nightmare after he killed his mother, the only person who even bothered to pay some attention to him. Al our cousins, even our grandparents called him a nothing…"

"He…killed his mother?" The blonde's hands were fisted on the tabletop, "Liar."

"Heh, he did."

"How?"

Ellone frowned in thought. In her opinion the reason wasn't so severe and she knew the love the blonde had for her brother would make him see Squall as innocent, "Who cares. The crime is what matters."

"Go to hell." Seifer bolted off the chair and turned to leave after he threw hundred dollar bills on the table.

"Seifer, please. Don't leave me!"

The blonde looked over his shoulder, "What did you tell Squall yesterday?" His voice was glazed.

"I…I didn't do anything! I love you! Squall is a killjoy! You won't stand a chance with him. You can try but he's too cold for you!"

"How would you know about how warm I am anyway. I never want to see your face again, Ellone, because when that day comes I'll show you just how cold I am."

"You are making a big mistake! I am the one for you! We are the ones that have a future! Not that bastard singer!"

Seifer smirked, his eyes filled with malice, "Ellone, you don't deserve me, you don't even deserve Squall. I suggest you never show your face around me, that is if you love your features. And take it from me, I would give you a complete makeover, female or not."

Ellone glared at Seifer's back , "Ask that murderer! He killed her!"

Seifer walked out of the café, his mind full of questions he needed answered and a body that needed Squall.

Squall moaned in despair.

He didn't want Mika, he just wanted salvation from his mind. He needed to lose himself in anything…and his guitarist was right there, kissing him and touching him…offering what he didn't want to take but what he decided to anyway, all the while thinking about a blonde who was waiting for him to open up.


	18. Chapter 18

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(18)

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A clap sounded from the doorway and Mika jumped off the vocalist.

Squall was too worried and scared to look at the door and confirm his fears.

"Really, Squall. I am such a bad timer, don't you think?" Seifer glared at the brunet, who hastened to arrange his clothes and smooth back his hair.

Mika excused herself and ran past the blonde.

"Seifer…" Squall whimpered.

"Oh, no. it's okay now. I'll call her back for you. So what? You stopped being gay? Or did you decide to become bi?"

"It's not…"

"Yeah, but of course, it's not like this…must be my eyes. I know, trust me it's me."

Squall stood up, no longer able to ignore the blonde and walk off, "I…"

"Why? What about me!" Seifer roared, slamming the door shut behind him and locking it, "Comon, Squall. Here I am apologizing this morning, but it wasn't all me. Why did you pull away last night and here you are letting a bitch kiss you!"

Squall backed a step, "No, I was…"

"What, baby? What? Tell me something that will erase the pain inside. Tell me anything. Lei to me." Seifer moaned as he pressed closer to Squall, "What did I do to deserve this?" the brunet whimpered as Seifer claimed his lips in a punishing kiss that was meant to portray a drop of the anger he felt deep inside.

The blonde pulled off Squall's shirt and pushed the brunet down on the same sofa he had been sitting on not moments ago. Straddling the singer's lean hips, Seifer proceeded to make love to him. No not the sweet love he had planned on offering, but one that was meant to hurt Squall, if only a little, if only to show him that he was in pain too.

Squall didn't cry out for the blonde to stop, not when his pants were shed or when he felt Seifer's fingers parting his thighs. That was what he deserved, no it was actually way less than what he deserved. All his life he had run away from punishment of any kind, but now Seifer was there to bring justice onto this world.

Seifer hesitated for a moment before entering the brunet. Squall's eyes were closed, his hands by his sides, his thighs parted for him.

"Squall." Seifer whispered, "I love you…please understand me…"

Squall opened his eyes and smiled, "Yeah? You don't know what you're saying. Your mind is so fogged up in passion. It's not love you have in your heart for me. It's lust. And now after you find fulfillment, you're going to walk out that door and forget me…"

Seifer frowned and got off the brunet, "Put on your clothes."

Squall looked startled, "But"

"You're right. It's not love. I was just a fool with childish dreams. Ellone said you killed your mother. I won't ask you why, and I'm through trying to make it okay." Seifer pulled on his own clothes, "It's like I was fucking a damn iceberg. Dammit if I wanted to I would go the North Pole or something. At least there I don't have to spend days trying to woo it and then end up rejected."

_This was good._

"At least an iceberg would show a little sympathy to a damn fool like me."

_This is what I was looking for, right?_

"Dammit! I was dreaming the whole thing!"

_Look, he walking out…just like you knew he always would._

"You don't need a damn bodyguard, I swear you can spew icicles from your eyes if you only tried."

_I am too cold for anyone…I don't deserve him._

"That's it. If I would stay longer with you God knows I would need Dr. Phil!"

_I am okay like this…on my own… it was how I was born to be…_

"That's it! Standing there! The least you could do is pretend to be sad that I'm leaving!" Seifer kicked the door open, waiting a second in the doorway, just hoping Squall would say anything, but he knew, deep in his heart, that Squall wasn't going to stop him…and Squall didn't.

_This is how I want to be…_

'_Mother!'_

'_Don't cry, Squall. But I want you to do me a favour.'_

'_Anything, mother.'_

'_Save me form my misery. Please turn off the device that won't let me go.'_

'_If I turn it off, you will be okay?'_

'_Yes, I will also be happy, Squall.'_

_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_okay, the past is unravelling. god, my life sure is miserable...anyway, that is my business and who cares anyway! the only reason i'm writing and i know this story sucks...it's to find my own salvation and relief..._


	19. Chapter 19

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(19)

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Squall sat on his bed.

The house was eerily quiet. No Gavin, No Seifer… it was very lonely, sitting all alone in the dark. But Squall was used to this.

It was now four days to his concert.

Grey eyes glistened with the full moon. He hadn't seen Seifer since that day he let him leave.

How long has it been? A week… Squall closed his eyes and rested back against the headboard. My, how his life had changed since Seifer left. There was no reason to smile, no reason to live. He heard that Ellone had gone off to America, but what did he care. It's not like she loved him anyway. Gavin was due tomorrow in the morning, but for tonight, the only sounds to be heard were those of the crickets outside in the garden…and the tick of the grandfather clock in the hallway.

Squall closed his eyes, wanting to relive his past for a moment to see his crime. It was common knowledge that he had killed his mother, but he didn't do it out of cold blood. He had loved her. She was his mother, for god's sake. He did it for her…he remembered that at least…his intentions at that time were pure, no matter what others say…

-

Seifer walked in the park, not strolled nor jogged, but walked brusquely.

His mind was full of thoughts abut a certain brunet. He didn't care that Squall didn't love him…he used to be happy sitting by him and talking to him, even if Squall pretended to be deaf most of the times. He used to feel happy teasing Gavin and just looking at Squall used to give him comfort he hadn't felt since he had walked out the studio room and building.

It was windy and the tree leaves were swirling around him. The full moon was very bright and so were the stars around it.

Seifer's legs hurt; he had been walking for hours now, straining his muscles. He needed to sit, to relax for a moment, but he couldn't. He wanted to suffer because of what he did, but more so he wanted to go back to Squall and apologize. He wanted to kiss all what he said out of the brunet's mind, but he knew he couldn't.

He was too ashamed to even face Squall. With the brunet being the way he was, there was no way it was going to be okay…

-

Ellone sat by Squall's mother's grave, "Hey, Trisha? Why did you ask your son to kill you and leave us all alone?"

The brunette let her desolate tears slip down her ivory cheeks which closely resembled Squall's. "I…told him pretty mean things, you know. I told him he killed you, but it's your fault. He didn't know you were going to die. You took advantage of his ignorance…he was only a child…you were selfish. Look how we are now…"

-

Gavin opened the apartment door, frowning that it was so dark.

"Squall?" The raven-haired man walked into Squall's room and grinned, "I'm home."

The brunet looked up, "Gavin…" he whispered.

Gavin knew something was terribly wrong, "Where is Seifer?"

"I killed him!" Squall jumped off the bed and ran into Gavin's arms, "He left me! He left me all alone to die!"

"Wha"

"I was kissing a girl! He saw me! He left me! He said icebergs are warmer, Gavin! He said we can never be! Gavin I love him! I did it for Ellone! She left too!"

"Hold it, baby. I don't understand a word." Gavin held Squall's shoulders which were shaking from his heartfelt sobs.

"It's okay." Squall finally wept, "I'm okay, right? All alone like always…I don't need a blonde to love me like Seifer…right?"

Gavin narrowed his blue eyes, what had happened while he was in the hospital? "Yeah…you're okay."

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i'm workin pretty fast, huh. trust me i know...hehehe...my back is killing me and my fingers are numb...anyway i hope you like this turn in events, it was a spur of the moment though and well i put it down...trying to exhaust myself...hehehe...


	20. Chapter 20

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(20)

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The musical introduction started and Squall walked up on the stage.

His life was hell.

He was empty inside.

There were no more tears to shed, no more hopes to have.

He was drained and exhausted and all he wanted was to be alone to sink in his misery.

He had long ago given up on the blonde and his sister. They were never coming back, and he was never going to be happy.

Gavin waved at him, a fake smile on his face for the brunet's benefit. But the singer knew it was fake and it didn't matter. His whole life didn't matter anymore…

-

"What are you doing here?" Seifer asked Ellone coolly.

"Why, if I am not mistaken, it would be the same reason you are here."

"Go find yourself a different hiding place."

Ellone smirked, "We are all in this together."

Seifer shrugged as the music started, "I don't want you."

"Yes, I know. And I am not here to stop you."

"He will be mine."

"And would be happy for him." Ellone sighed, "I made a mistake. I lied and I betrayed Squall. His mother was in the hospital, drifting into a coma…she had been in a car accident, Squall was only 8. father died when Squall was only 3. anyway, Squall and his grandmother were visiting Trisha."

"That's Squall's mom?"

"Yeah. She had lost it maybe, or maybe she was totally sane when she made her choice, but who knows."

"What choice?" Seifer was too engrossed in the tale of a young child to remember that he hated Ellone.

"She asked him to kill her…no, she asked an innocent, unaware child to turn off the machine that kept her alive. And as a loving son, Squall obliged, thinking she was going to stand and hug him or something…" Ellone trailed off, her eyes on her brother's lean form, noticing he had lost weight since their last encounter, when she told him he had killed her, when she made illogical and painful accusations.

"Trisha died…when Squall turned off the machine…" Seifer was also looking at the Singer, who seemed to be waiting for the right moment for a speech

-

Squall was expressionless.

It's over.

He didn't want anything to do with the world anymore.

"Ladies and gentlemen…I have something to tell you all. This will be my last concert because I am not going to sing ever again."

Everyone was shocked, including Squall's band members, Caine, and Gavin. The crowd was gasping and roaring out inquiries as to why.

"Thanks for showing up. My first song is dedicated to…"

Squall stopped in mid-sentence, trying to swallow a lump that suddenly showed up in his throat, "This song is for the man who once loved me…I…"

Squall shrugged and took a deep breath as the band decided it was time to start.


	21. Chapter 21

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(21)

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'_Yeah I have always been on my own_

_On the road to the unknown_

_I thought I would be just fine_

_If I walk in a straight line_

_But I was totally wrong_

_That's why I'm singing this song_

_I wanna fix all the mistakes_

_And I will do all it takes_

_S__o please don't go_

_Cuz I finally know_

_That I love you so_

_That without you I'm so low_

_Cuz only with you_

_I can make it through_

_Yeah, I can smile and say_

_Living with you is the only way_

_You are my salvation'_

Seifer froze in his place. This song was for him, he knew it. So did Ellone, who smiled, "Who would have known the song he would dedicate to you wouldn't be full of blasphemies and malice. Looks like you won his heart and I don't even know how." Seifer turned to her, "I don't know myself."

'_If you could just understand_

_What I have been through_

_If you could just hold my hand_

_And tell me you love me too_

_Because a life without you is a living hell_

_and anyone who looks at me can tell_

_baby without you I'm empty and numb_

_so screw the world and just come_

_I will never forget your shining smile _

_And the way you joked around all the while_

_I will never forget the happiness you put me through_

_Or the fact that I truly love you.' _

Squall had tears in his eyes, marring his vision. He had searched the crowd but there was no sign of the blonde. Seifer had left…he had gone for sure. The microphone fell from his hand, as the tears slipped from his eyes. Gavin rushed forward and so did the band members. Seifer and Ellone turned to each other then pushed through the crowd to get to Squall. The crowd was screaming and shouting… but all that was beyond the vocalist as he fell into the arms of his guardian.

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yeah i know...never gonna become a lyricist, promise...but it's a poem saying farewell to more than just Seifer...but that is a different story...it's also a pretty short chapter, one before th last...you can call it suspense...hahahaha...whatever!


	22. Chapter 22

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(22)

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Seifer sat by Squall's bed in the hospital. Gavin and Ellone were standing outside looking through the glass.

There were tubes everywhere.

Seifer's heart sank and he gritted his teeth.

Squall was alright, or at least that's what the doctor said. He said the boy just had a minor hear attack from all the stress and that he would be fine in the morning…but the morning was hours away and Seifer's mind was already going insane.

Clasping the brunet's hand gently between his own, he pressed a kiss the soft knuckles, "Comon, man. I am sorry…making me pay harsh for my mistake, eh?"

Ellone walked in, "It's my fault. I told him I loved you and I think he was cold to you so that you would come to me."

Seifer sighed. He had dark circles under his eyes and he looked pale.

"Gavin says that sitting here won't do any good, so how about you come with us to grab a fast dinner?"

Seifer shook his head, "You guys go. I'm not hungry."

"Are you sure you don't want anything?"

"Yeah." Seifer pulled off his jacket and covered Squall with it, not because Squall wasn't already covered but he wanted to see Squall covered by his own jacket.

He wanted Squall to smell his perfume when he first wakes up and know that he was there…that he was never going to leave him again.

-

Squall's eyelashes fluttered and he stirred awake. His hand was warm and something smelled so familiar.

The white tiles on the ceiling gave away his location…a hospital bed, but everything seemed different about this time.

"Squall?" Seifer bent to look him in the eye, an uncertain expression in the depths of the emerald orbs.

"Seifer." Squall whispered, "Is this a dream? I always have nightmares, but"

"No, this is reality….you reality…I'm here, baby. And I'm never going anywhere again."

"I'm sorry…"

"No, I am. Ellone told me everything. Squall you didn't kill your mother…you didn't know…look, Ellone is waiting outside, she wants to speak to you."

"No, I can't. I broke her heart"

"Well, how is my little brother?" Ellone came in and sat by Squall's hip.

The brunet closed his eyes, hoping she didn't see that he was awake and that she would leave.

"You're not just a singer, but quite the little actor too, eh?"

"I'm asleep…come back later and try again." Squall muttered.

"I want to apologize, Squall…I didn't mean anything I said. I was crazed, really. How can I stay with Seifer anyway? It's you he loves."

"But…" Squall turned to Seifer, "It's…I don't know anymore."

Seifer chuckled and pressed a short kiss on the burnet's lips. "You can leave in the afternoon tomorrow, how about a cruise? This time I'll hire a few body-guards so that we won't be disturbed…something tells me we won't be sleeping if they decide to intrude."

Squall blushed and closed his eyes, Ellone caught up and laughed, and Gavin walked in, "Hey blonde, whatever you're saying to make Squall blush, you better take it back!"

Seifer snorted, "Like hell. He's going to be mine."

"Like hell! I told you before that he is not yours! Squall tell him! You can't let a man just own you like you were some damn prize!"

Seifer turned to Squall, who squeezed his hand, "Maybe if Seifer was the man to own me then I don't mind being a prize."

"I told you I hate blondes!" Gavin frowned, "You know, Seifer, you look like you need some medicines…how about I go check out what poisons they manufacture here and tell the doctor that you're willing to volunteer."

Seifer stuck his tongue out as Squall laughed. Ellone grinned and stood up, "Well, let me go pack my bag since it's so soon tomorrow that we're going."

Squall nodded as Ellone placed a kiss on his forehead, "See you, little bro."

After Ellone left, Gavin shrugged, "Caine's asking if you are serious about not wanting to sing anymore."

Squall shrugged, "Yah…with Seifer by my side, I don't think there is any need for the sad, haunting songs."

Seifer moaned and pulled the brunet into his arms, claiming the soft, yielding lips in a hot kiss that was meant to erase any speck of sadness from Squall's mind. And this time Squall didn't pull back, nor did he shrink away in the cabin of the majestic cruise the next night when Seifer took him into his arms and showed him the depth of his love. After all it took a man like Seifer to mend a fragile heart like Squall's.

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the end...yeah i am kinda satisfied with this...anyway...here am starting another one...yah...hehehe...when i'm depressed ideas come to me like stars twinkling on in the night sky...look foreward to it...lot's of love, Sarah


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